Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
