who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
