So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
