Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
