wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
