you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize