You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
