saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize