i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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