I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
