If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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