apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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