I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
