i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
