My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
