I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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