I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
