I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
