they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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