so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
