i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
