i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
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