i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
kristin has been a bad kristin
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
