Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(417): View more from Missouri

He has such a weird drunk-voice.

(1-417): View more from Missouri

dude, he's deaf.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...

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(440): View more from Ohio

Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

just left the emergency room. condom extraction.

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(571): View more from Virginia

I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...

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(914): View more from New York

Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.

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