Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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