i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize