You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize