At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
