I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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