I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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