I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
