shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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