some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
