I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
