dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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