Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
