This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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