How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
