im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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