he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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