I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
