You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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