and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
