if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Watching her eat just hurts me
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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