on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
