You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
