hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
