I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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