Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
