so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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