I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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