Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
