Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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