Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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