Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
