I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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