in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
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