You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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