In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
