Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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