Pappa wants mamma naked
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
