you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
