Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
