; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
