my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
