Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
