i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
