how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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