After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
