you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
