I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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