we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
