Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
