Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
