The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I know her cup size but not her name....
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