I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize