She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
