do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
