I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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