Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
