wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
